A story about those annoying gym folk.

Let me tell you a story. This is a story about the new fad that’s currently plaguing my life and my patience. This story begins with the question: “Do you even lift, bro?”

For some ridiculous reason, a lot have people have come to develop this pointless obsession with being extremely fit. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t care if you want to have a good body shape and physique and want to attract the opposite sex with your rock-hard pecs and tight glutes; that’s perfectly fine. What really gets me is when people go to the gym three or four times a week, and then try to assert their bulky dominance on me.

Let me set the story clear for you, all of you gym-junky wastes of time: I. Do. Not. Care.

I don’t care how much you can lift or how far you can run. I don’t care how much protein you gulp a day or how many shakers you currently own. I don’t even care how few calories you force yourself to eat every day to make sure you look ‘like a beast.’ Go about your fitness as you like, but the moment you say to me “You’re eating so many carbs, you know?”, I WILL explode a fury of verbal insults right onto you.

If I wanted to ‘get buff’ and have ‘lats that pull the ladies’, I would spend a fortune on a gym membership, waste my life savings on gym material and then turn myself into one of you. But as of right now, that hasn’t happened and I can’t ever see it happening. Because I don’t care.

I enjoy eating whatever I want and working out whenever I feel it’s necessary. I’m lucky to have been born with a fast metabolism, so why should I feel the need to bust my ass 24/7, just because you do?

You fitness freaks need to do all of us normal humans a favour – Leave us be and go tend to your biceps some more. At least that way I don’t have to hear how much you felt the burn today.